


My Lady

by LadySorcha



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-16 09:03:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySorcha/pseuds/LadySorcha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is about Gilmore and the Warden. (ongoing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The din of Highever Castle is all around me. Armed men walk around discussing plans for the upcoming battle. Making last minute adjustments to their armor or going to have their blades sharpened. I’ve heard rumors that a Gray Warden is at the Castle, but the servants often get bored. Things tend to get blown out of proportion so it’s quite likely the Warden simply passed by close to the Castle.

I heave a sigh of frustration as a Knight of Highever I should be joining the upcoming battle against the Darkspawn. I had been looking forward to it, but Teyrn Cousland had informed me this morning that I am to stay at the Castle with some of the other men. I’m to be in charge of them so I suppose I should be grateful that he puts so much faith at me. Well if there really is a Warden here maybe I can see about being recruited…

“Well Ser Gilmore it appears we are both to at the Castle while everyone gets to run off to war and have all the fun,” says a lovely voice.

I fight to keep a huge smile off my face as I turn around to speak to Lady Giselle Cousland the Teyrn’s youngest child and his only daughter.  

I’ve always liked her. Though I’ve always tried to keep my feelings hidden. I like my life here at the Castle. Even though her family is very kind I doubt they’d like her dallying around with me. If that happened I’d probably be asked to leave the Castle. Besides I doubt she returns my feelings. Oh she’s very sweet and is a bit flirtatious with me, but I doubt she’s serious about it.  

It’s easy to forget the status difference though. Like the rest of her family she’s kind to everyone servants, guards, nobles alike.

She’s not out of place in the training grounds sweating and cursing along with the men. At the first we were hesitant when we sparred with her. She was the Teyrn’s daughter after all. Even though she could easily defeat us all, we were still cautious. What would happen if one of us hurt her?

It finally happened one day. Landon was probably the best swordsman, after her. He managed to break through her block and given her a small cut on her arm. Everyone froze we weren’t sure what was going to happen. She just laughed and wiped the blood off. Then she asked if they were going to continue or have staring contest.    

Neither is she out of place in the kitchen talking with Nan. Nan had been her Nanny as a child. Once she was no longer needed for that role she took over as Cook. It’s quite common to heat Nan complaining about Giselle’s Mabari Luca who frequently got in the larder, or telling Giselle to stop pestering her and let her work. Giselle always hugs Nan and runs off with Luca, while Nan smiles fondly after her.

“My lady. So you are staying at the Castle as well?” Well with her around things won’t be quite so dull.

“Yes.” She sighs with a morose look on her face. “My father just told me. I’m to stay behind and mind the Castle while he and Fergus are gone. When Lady Landra leaves Mother is going with her. I guess the two of us will be in charge eh. Though really it’s just a Castle, it’s not like it can run away or anything.”

I smile. “Just so my lady.”       

She leans back against the wall crossing her arms. “I’m also supposed to entertain Duncan while he’s here.” I give her a questioning look. “Duncan is the Gray Warden that’s visiting the Castle.”

“Really? I had heard rumors, but I wasn’t sure if they were true. He must be here to recruit you. Many have heard of the Teyrn’s lovely daughter. With your prowess with your blades you’re quite the capable rogue.” I know I’m being far too companionable with her, but I can’t help it.

“Ser Gilmore you flatter me.” She smiles her cheeks reddening a bit.

Did she blush because of what I said? I clear my throat. “I only speak the truth.”

“Perhaps you could tell my Father that then.” She grins. “Duncan made mention of recruiting me and my Father immediately stepped in. No Duncan is here to see you. My Father recommended you.”

I feel a bit shocked. “He personally recommended me?”

She nods. “Don’t forget you’re quite capable too…and handsome.”

My cheeks blaze. Blasted cheeks always quick to betray me when she’s around. Thankfully I’m saved from responding by Nan storming down the hall. I point so Giselle will look.  

“Giselle come get your blighted dog out of the larder,” Nan huffs.

“Oh Nan did you leave the door open again?” She winks at me.

“I most certainly did not,” Nan says indignantly. “That dog is a troublemaker just like you are.”

Giselle kisses Nan on the cheek. “I know I was only teasing. I’ll go take care of it.” She runs off down the hall.

“Don’t run in the halls girl. You’re far too old to be acting like a child,” Nan calls after her. She shakes her head, but she’s smiling.

She motions me to follow her. “Go check on her would you. I worry what that dog might do to her in his excitement. He’s so big and he is a wardog after all.”

“Of course. Though I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. He’s trained after all. Plus he worships her.”

She sniffs, “He’s not the only one.”

“I…” My response is cut off by crashing, barking, and Giselle’s cry of “Andraste’s flaming knickers”. 

I run down the rest of the hall, sliding into the kitchen. I draw my sword as I enter the larder. I see Giselle and Luca battling large rats. I quickly join the fray. Trying not to be too distracted to her. It’s not often we fight in such close quarters. Maker but she’s impressive. How could a woman be graceful, deadly, and gorgeous all at the same time? Her blades sing through the air quickly dispatching the rats nearest her.  

After all the rats have been taken care of she looks at me. She’s spattered with blood and grinning. “What fun. Thanks for the help.”

“My pleasure.” I smile back, though I know she could have easily handled the rats without me.

She walks out of the larder a spring in her step. Her hand brushes mine as she passes. I hope she doesn’t notice my sharp intake of breath. In moments like this I didn’t give five sovereigns about status. Just to feel her hand in mine…to kiss her. I push the thoughts out of my head. I’m sure it was just an accident. She doesn’t return my feelings.

I keep telling myself this because there have been quite a few occasions that suggest she might care for me as well. Like now with her hand. Plus she’s always so relaxed around me. She always asks me to accompany her when she wants to go hunting or to fight monsters. It doesn’t matter though. Her parents will never allow us to be together. They might be willing to let her make her own decisions and marry whoever she likes, but I’m sure that only applies to noblemen. Not a Knight from a poor farming village. I sigh. Best to put it all out of your head.     

I follow Giselle out of the larder.

“Nan it seems Luca was defending your larder against giant rats,” she says sounding quite pleased. “Quite helpful wouldn’t you say?”

“Well I’m sure he was nosing around in there and let those rats in,” Nan grumbles.

Luca walks up to her whining.

“Oh fine just take over the kitchen.” Nan throws her hands up in the air and goes over to the table. She gets a chunk of meat to give Luca. He swiftly gobbles it up and starts sniffing around the floor.

“What about us. We helped to,” Giselle says with a playful pout on her lips.

“You are coming with me girl. We’re cleaning that blood off you and getting you in a dress.”

“That’s not much of a reward.” Giselle frowns. “Couldn’t I have a cookie or something?”

Nan sighs. “It’s your mother’s orders. Lady Landra and her son Dairren just arrived. Your mother wants you looking presentable, so no armor, swords, or blood.” Nan grabs her arm and leads her out of the kitchen. Luca trots along behind them.

“I’ll see you later,” she calls over her shoulder.

“Looking forward to it my lady.” I could have kicked myself. Keep going on like this and she’s sure to figure you out.

She smiles at me before she disappears into the hall. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

I’m talking to some men about the Warden. News of his arrival has already spread through the Castle and of his purpose here. They’re congratulating me on having been recommended. I know they’re happy for me, but I can sense jealousy behind their words and smiles. I can’t blame them. It’s a great honor to be considered by the Wardens. I’m sure I’d feel the same in their position.  

As the men leave to go back to their posts I catch a flash of blue out of the corner of my eye. I look over and feel my eyes widen.

The flash of blue is Giselle. Apparently Nan was successful in her attempts. I feel my mouth go dry and my heart speed up. She’s walking towards me. The dress is tight in all the right places. The front of it is low enough to show the tops of her breasts. Her stomach taut after all her practice with her blades. With a small waist and ample hips. Her hips swishing as she walks. The dress is a rich blue with a pattern sewn onto it with gray thread. It’s loose about her legs and slightly drags along the ground behind her. The rich blue of her dress makes her bright blue eyes all the more striking. She has an adorable sloped nose. Her honeyed brown hair is up in a bun with tendrils framing her face on either side. She’s slightly tanned from spending most of her time outdoors in her armor. Her full lips are twitching in amusement.  

What is she looking? I look around but I’m the only one here. Oh…she’s looking at me. She must be amused by my reaction. I’m sure my desire is plainly written across my face. She stops in front of me. Why is she standing so close? I take a small step back and hit the wall. She steps closer. She clasps her hands behind her back which only serves to make her breasts more prominent. I swallow and look at her face…her beautiful face so close. Wait…

“Maker are you wearing makeup?” It slips out before I realize it, but she never wears makeup. She has grey eye shadow on and it makes her eyes sparkle like sapphires. Light pink lipstick that makes her lips look moist and even more kissable than normal.

“Yes Nan wasn’t satisfied with just the dress. She had to slap this stuff on my face too. What do you think?”

“I..well.” I clear my throat. “You’re always beautiful my lady.” Why did I say that…

She blushes. How is it possible that I keep making her blush. This is the second time today. She must hear compliments all the time.

“Thank you Ser Gilmore,” she says her lips lingering on my name.

I watch her lips. Fighting the urge to lean over and kiss her. She’s so close.

“Have you seen my Mother. Nan said she wanted to see me after I was properly dressed.”

“It takes me a minute to respond. “Yes she’s in the library study with Lady Landra, Dairren, and Iona.”

“Ah yes…Mother’s friend.” She sighs a small frown forming on her lips. “Last time I saw Lady Landra she got drunk and spent the evening trying to convince me to marry Dairren. And let’s see Iona is…Lady Landra’s lady in waiting.”

I nod.

“I just can’t see why noblewomen think they’re any less capable of dressing than anyone else. I feel so awkward when Nan helps me. Mother usually doesn’t insist, but I suppose she was afraid I’d jump out a window or something and make for the woods. Though that does sound more pleasant…” She laughs at my expression of amusement. “I’m not very well behaved for a lady am I? You’re one of the few people I can act normally around. Well…I suppose I should go speak with them before Mother sends Nan after me again. Thank you.”

As she enters the library I hear Scribe Aldous greet her and complain about his students. I hear her laugh as she pulls the door shut behind her.

“Enjoying my handiwork I see. Not that she needs much help.” Nan laughs.

I jump. I hadn’t heard her approach. Great so Nan saw me staring after Giselle like a love sick puppy. “Of course she doesn’t need any help. How did you convince her to wear a dress and makeup?”

“You.”

My head snaps around. “What?”

Nan laughs again. “Oh she tried to wheedle her way out of it at first sure. But as soon as I said I thought a dress would get your attention she stopped fighting it. She became quite helpful in fact. Besides do you really think I’d have gotten her to put on the dress if she didn’t want to? She’s much too independent and stubborn.”

“Why would she care if I’d be interested if she wore a dress?”

We hear the library door open and look over. We nod as the Teyrna and Lady Landra walk out of the library. They don’t see us though. It seems Giselle was right and Lady Landra is trying to arrange a marriage between her and Dairren.

After they pass Nan says, “Are you daft and blind boy? Don’t you see the way she looks at you. And you look right back. The two of you are always together and always seem to be having a grand time of it.”

I duck my head to hide my blush. Am I that obvious. “Well she’s nice to many people. She’s around you a lot and the two of you always seem to be carrying on about something.”

“Well yes…but she’s not itching to get into my bed.”

My mouth drops open.

Nan cackles as she walks away.

My mind is whirring. Giselle. Maybe she does like me. Giselle smiling. Her hand brushing mine. Giselle’s hands on me. My hands on her. Her soft skin and hips. Giselle in my bed… I groan. I try to think of something, anything else.

I look up at the sound of the door opening again. Dairren and Iona walk out. Dairren looks rather sheepish and his face is beet red. He looks quite uncomfortable.

Iona shakes her head. “You really shouldn’t have done that.”

Dairren only nods.

What could have happened in the library. Wait Giselle was still in there. I quickly enter the library. I don’t see her in the main room so I head over to the study. She’s there her back is to the door.

“Giselle is everything all right?” I ask my voice concerned.

She turns to look at me. She’s bighting her lip. “Yes I just seem to have made poor Dairren uncomfortable. I wasn’t trying to. Maker I can be rather dense sometimes.”

“What happened?” She almost seems embarrassed, but she always seemed to be making me uncomfortable.

“I…shut the door first.” I do and she starts talking rapidly. “Well we were just talking about the books. It is a rather impressive collection my Grandfather started. So he asked my favorite book and I said it was Dragons of Tevinter.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Well we kept talking and he mentioned that we seemed to have several rare books. I said yes and we had a few that had been banned. He asked which ones and the first one I said was the Art of Passionate Love.”

“I see.” Yes well that will do it…

“I didn’t really think anything of it. But well he thought I was flirting. Well making advances really because he asked if I wanted to go somewhere more private…”

“He what?” I seethe. They barely know each other. I can’t believe he’d suggest that. I try to convince myself that’s why I’m upset and not because I’m jealous.

“I told him no, that there was someone else.”

“Oh.” Of course there is. I was just deluding myself, thinking that maybe there was a chance. Nan was wrong or she was just teasing me. But I have to know. Once I know maybe I can get these ideas out of my mind.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t think he returns my feelings.” She stares at her hands.

The idea is absurd. Who wouldn’t like her? “They’d have to be daft not to. Who is it?”  

She whispers something, but I can’t hear her.

“What was that?” I ask.

She looks at me her face red. She looks unsure but then she nods her head. “Oh sod it,” she says. She quickly walks over to me and leans up and kisses me.

 


	3. Chapter 3

I stand there in shock. Giselle is kissing me my mind repeats over and over. When I don’t kiss back she starts to pull away. My body finally catches up with my mind and I wrap my arms around her. I kiss her.

She leans into me. I’m overwhelmed by her sweet taste. The feel of her body against me. Her hands on me. One resting on my neck and the other slowly winding into my hair.

I pull away looking at her flushed face. I cup her cheek and she leans into my hand. I kiss her. Then I kiss her cheeks, eyes, nose, forehead, chin, and go back to her sweet lips.

She sighs happily and I hug her to me. We just stand there arms around each other. She rests her chin on my chest and we look at each other. 

**~~~**

After a bit she sighs and says, “I never want to move.”

“Then don’t.” I tighten my arms around her.

She smiles. “Scribe Aldous is right outside and he’s probably getting suspicious. I’m also spending some time with my family…before Father and Fergus leave.”

I hear the worry in her voice. I know that she’d love to go along, but not just because she wants to get a taste of real battle. She wants to protect everyone she cares about and wants to be there for them. I just want that worried little frown to go away. “Oh I don’t think he’ll notice. You know how he gets when he’s teaching. I think he could be threatened by bandits and he wouldn’t notice. He’d just scold them and tell them to quiet down, that they were disturbing his lessons.”

She giggles and I kiss her. “You might be right. He does get quite involved when he’s teaching. Fergus and I never had any fun at lessons. He pays close attention to his pupils to make sure they’re not napping or being mischievous.”

“Surely the two of you were perfect angels.”

“Hardly.” She smirks. “I remember one time he left us unattended…”

“A mistake I assume.”

She laughs. “Oh yes on I’m sure he still regrets to this day. I can’t quite remember how old we were but we followed Father down to the library pestering him to show us how to use a sword. He told us we were too young. He and Scribe Aldous went outside to discuss something, while Fergus and I complained about not being able to use swords. The servants must have forgotten to take the broom and mop when they left. We thought those would be excellent substitutes and proceeded to have our first sparring match.”

“Who won?”

“…Fergus,” Fergus she says grudgingly. “He knocked the broom out of my hand and it flew across the room knocking over a vase of flowers and water spilled onto several books. He laughed and was bragging about his victory over his weak little sister. Father and Scribe Aldous came rushing in just in time to see me leap onto Fergus and knock him to the ground.”

“So I assume it was sometime before the two of you got swords.”

“Well we received scoldings from Mother and Scribe Aldous. Father attempted but he kept turning away to hide the fact he was laughing at us. The next day we received our first swords. He said it was to stop us from destroying the Castle. Though the swords came with a strict warning that if we tried anything like that again he was taking the swords back.”

I chuckle. “Go see them before they leave.”

She kisses me on the cheek. “Will you escort me…Roderick?”

“Of course…Giselle.” She takes my arm and walks a bit too close to me than is proper. Though right now I don’t really care if anyone notices.

**~~~**

She stops me a bit before her brother’s room. She kisses me long and hard.

“Will you come to my room later? We need to talk…and well other things,” she says licking her lips.

Oh sweet Andrastre. “Of course.”

I go to kiss her when we hear the door open.

“Auntie what are you doing with Ser Gilmore?” Oren loudly asks. Her family stops talking and we freeze. I can just imagine them straining to hear her response.

She slowly pulls away grinning at me. “Just…discussing sword fighting.”

“Oh…will you teach me to fight with a sword?” Oren asks looking up at her with pleading eyes.

“Well maybe. We wouldn’t want to risk another incident in the library would we Fergus?” she asks as he appears in the doorway.

He laughs. “No I don’t think I could survive another of Scribe Aldous’ lectures. Well come on you two inside.” He puts his hand on Oren’s shoulder and takes Giselle’s arm and goes back inside. Not before giving me a suspicious look though.

“Right. We’ll finish this later…” She winks at me and shuts the door.

I go off to find someone to take my post for the night. I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen. I have my suspicions and my hopes…

**~~~**

I stand outside her door and look around. I don’t see anyone. Maker why do her rooms have to be so close to her parents and brothers room? I softly knock on her door and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. Almost immediately the door opens. She smiles and pulls me inside.

She’s changed out of the dress and back into her normal clothes, she left the makeup on though. She’s wearing a pair of tan pants. A long sleeved thin white top, though she left the laces unties, with a blue corset. She’s barefoot. Her hair is loose and hangs in thick waves.

She goes and leans against a table. She stares at me and crosses her arms. “So about our kiss, well kissing. I just want to know is this just something for fun or…”

Well that was direct. I wonder if maybe all she wants is a good time and not a relationship. I hope she wants more. I hope she doesn’t think that I just want to sleep with her and that’s it.

“Well I’ve wanted to kiss you for some time now and…”

“So what stopped you?”

 I rub my neck. “You’re the Teyrns daughter and I’m one of his Knights. And I’ve never been sure if you returned my feelings. Even if you did you’re still expected to marry a nobleman so…”

“So things might not work out?”

“Yes, but then when you kissed me I just didn’t care anymore. This is not just for fun. I care about you Giselle.” I cross the room and take her hand. “You’re kind, strong, smart, loyal, deadly, funny, passionate, and beautiful.” I kiss her palm and hold her hand to my cheek.

“I care about you too…”

I crush her to me. Kissing her roughly, it’s not sweet like before. Desire runs through my veins. She meets my need with the same intensity. I run my hands down her sides resting them on her hips and pulling her closer. Her hands locked behind my neck. Our bodies are plastered against each other. I lift her up and she wraps her legs around my waist. Our hands tangling in each other’s hair. I kiss my way down her jaw onto her neck. I give a light nip and she moans.

“Roderick.” She pants pulling my mouth back to hers.

I walk over to her bed and sit down with her. She slowly moves her hips and I groan. I feel her smile against my lips. She pushes me back and slowly stretches her body along mine.

“Your armors in the way.” She murmurs against my neck.   

 


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up on my back with Giselle in my arms. One arm thrown across my chest and the other curled around one of mine. One of her legs is draped across me. Her hair tickles my chest as her small breaths stir it. I smile and gently tighten my arms around her. She mumbles in her sleep and cuddles up closer to me.

I close my eyes and attempt to sleep. Just as I'm relaxing my eyes pop open. I spent the night in her room. I never went to the Barracks last night. When the men get up they'll see my bed wasn't slept in. What if her brother comes in to see her before he leaves? Her parents could come in…

Maker this isn't good. We don't even know what this is. Only that we care about each other and we slept together. We need to talk before we try to explain it to anyone.

I slowly start to pull away from her. I've freed my arm from her grasp when she throws herself on top of me. She pins my arms to the bed.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"I was going to try and slip into the Barracks before the rest of the men wake up."

I squirm beneath her very aware of the fact that there's nothing between us and its morning. I give an experimental tug on my arms. She's strong and has a good grip on them. Any thoughts of leaving this room are rapidly leaving my mind.

"Why?"

"Well so the entire Castle doesn't find out I didn't go to bed last night."

"Again why?"

I look at her in confusion. "Well so your family…"

She cuts me off with a sigh. "No. Why does it matter? Why is it important to you? They'll find out eventually won't they?" She narrows her eyes at me. "Unless you were lying about caring about me."

"Of course I wasn't. I lo…" Her eyes widen as I trail off. My cheeks on fire.

"What was that?" she asks softly.

I briefly consider trying to talk my way out of it. I really see no since in it though. I look at her and I know it's true.

"I love you."

She looks almost shy and averts her eyes, but before she does I see something flicker through her eyes too quickly for me to tell what it was. She seems much more closed off now. Not really sure how to proceed I try to lighten the mood.

"You seem awfully shy all of a sudden. You know with everything we did last night. And now we're naked, you're straddling me, and pinning my arms to the bed."

She looks at me. When our eyes meet hers dart away again. She just seems so shy and…vulnerable. I wonder if her sudden change in mood is because of what I said. I think there's something more to it than that though…

She looks back at me and her hands tighten on my arms. "I love you too."

She sighs and moves away. She sits with her back to me. Her chin propped on her knees and she twists her hands nervously.

Now I'm starting to get nervous. I've never seen this Giselle before. She seems scared and so unsure. She's never been like this. Not even when she was stabbed in the shoulder by a group of bandits that attacked us in the forest. I sit up and touch her arm. "Giselle, what is it?"

"I…" she swallows and then all her words come out in a rush. "I've never said that to anyone. Never had anyone say it to me…and mean it."

I know she doesn't mean her family, because they're all close. She looks like she wants to cry, but there's anger there too. Her hands curled into fists and her body tight. Like she's ready to spring into action. I want to take her in my arms and comfort her, but I'm not sure that would be welcome. I don't think she wants to be comforted just yet.

I take a breath and ask, "Giselle what happened?"

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a forewarning-
> 
> This is quite different than the previous chapters have been. I also increased the rating to M.
> 
> Giselle is raped in this chapter.
> 
> It's written more like a flashback type thing, with a few scenes more detailed than the rest. Giselle is telling Gilmore as she relives it.

“Come on Fergus. We’ll just take a quick peek.” I grab his hand and pull him closer to the door.

“Interested in seeing your future husband?” He laughs and jumps away as I slap his arm.

“Who said I’m marrying him? He’s just another Arl coming to woo the Teyrn’s daughter.” I scowl.

“You’d think they’d give up after all the rejections you’ve given.” He smiles fondly at me.

“They never care about me…just what I can provide. The favor of a Teyrn, and in increase in status. I’m just a tool to them. That’s why I reject them.”

“You deserve better than them anyhow. No one’s going to use my sister,” He slings an arm around my shoulder. “Come on lets go see this new Arl.”

We stop outside the main hall and Fergus goes to open the door. I grab his arm and shake my head. “Remember after last time Father said he was going to have someone standing guard on the other side of this door.”

“I’m sure he was just joking… But let’s use a side door, just in case.”

We make our way to the door. I study the lock as Fergus looks around. He gives me the all clear and I set to work. I smile with pleasure as it opens. I gently ease the door open, just enough so we can see. We smile and press our eyes to the gap.

There actually is someone standing guard at the main door. I elbow Fergus and nod towards him. “See,” I mouth. He sticks his tongue out at me and we both fight the urge to laugh. I see Father and thankfully he has his back to the door. Then I see the Arl.

My breath catches. He’s the handsomest man I’ve ever seen. He’s tall and has tan, almost golden skin. Bright emerald eyes, full lips, and a rather large pointed nose. Blonde hair with a slight wave to it, and hangs down to his broad shoulders. He’s wearing fine clothes that barely hide the well-muscled form beneath. He carries himself with confidence and grace. I almost think he’s one of the lazy nobles who sit around issuing orders and caring for nothing but themselves. But as I look closer I see that the skin on his hands isn’t fine like the rest of his skin, it’s rough and calloused. The sword hanging at his side is devoid of engravings and jewels like most of the noblemen’s swords. No it’s effective, deadly, and well used. 

“Well he’s young. I suppose he is attractive. The serving girl certainly seems to be swooning over him. What do you think Giselle?”

I swallow and hope my desire isn’t present in my voice. “He is quite handsome. Though I bet he’s full of himself and thinks he’s the Makers gift to women or some such nonsense.”

Fergus snorts. “Well I trust you’ll put him in his pace.”

“Gladly,” I say in a firm voice. Already mentally stealing myself in preparation for his charms. He’s just like all the others…

“Hmmm what have we here?” A deep velvety voice asks.

I feel Fergus flinch and know we’ve been caught. I look up and see those emerald eyes staring at me.

“All right you two come in here right now,” Father says his voice tinged with annoyance.

I groan and stand up. I look at Fergus he lifts an eyebrow. I nod in response that I’ll do the talking. I walk in the main hall my head held high. Fergus follows me and trying to convey the same confidence. We stop in front of Father and then I see Mother standing behind him. I sigh. Father I can handle, but Mother… She could scold bandits into surrendering and probably apologizing as well.

“Well what do the two have to say for yourselves?” Father asks with narrowed eyes. Mother stands behind him glowering with her arms crossed.

“We were just curious about the new Arl.”

“Hmmm. Yes I’m sure that’s it.” Father knows exactly what we were doing. We do this every time a new nobleman or woman comes to the Castle. “And you just couldn’t wait until we called for you? So you decided to pick the lock?”

“It’s less fun that way. You know what I mean Mother you’re a Rogue too. Cloak and Dagger and all that.” I smile.

I see the corner of Father’s mouth twitch in amusement. Mother’s face softens for an instant, but then she’s back to glaring. In a stern voice she says, “Don’t try to…” But she’s interrupted by a small chuckle. We look in the direction of the sound.

The Arl has his hand on his mouth, clearly trying to hide his amusement. His eyes dancing with humor. He clears his throat. “And who is this lovely one?”

“These are our children, Giselle and Fergus.” Father places a hand on our shoulders in turn.

“Ah, so nice to meet you.” The Arl steps forward and shake Fergus’s hand. Then he turns to me, and I feel the full weight of his presence. He eyes hold mine as he steps closer to me. My heart pounds in my chest and I’m sure he can hear it. He gently takes my hand and kisses it. His lips lingering just a bit longer than is proper. He continues to hold my hand as he says, “It truly is my pleasure to meet you my dear.”

I blush under his gaze. Wanting to rip my hand from his grasp, while at the same time wanting him to kiss it again. Fergus comes to my side and pointedly looks at him. He lets go of my hand with a look of reluctance.

“Fergus why don’t you and your sister go dress for dinner.” Father gives Mother a strange look that I can’t decipher.

“Right.” Fergus wraps an arm around my shoulder and leads me out of the room. I’m glad he does. I don’t know if I can make it out by myself. My head is spinning, heart racing. I try to remember how to breathe. I feel his eyes on me and fight the urge to look back at him.

Once we get upstairs Fergus lets go of me. I sag against the wall and he looks at me in concern. “I think he might be a blood mage or something,” I say with a small smile.

“What was that? You were…I’m not sure what. Swooning over him, but you looked like you were going to attack him.”

“I don’t know. Old habits die hard I guess.”

I go into my room to get dressed. As I close the door I hear Fergus ask, “What do you mean old habits?”

I shut the door and lean against it. The Arl makes me feel afraid and exhilarated. Like…prey. Like I wanted to kill him and kiss him. All these things at the same time. It’s too much. I sigh and go start to get ready. I stare at my dresses, knowing Mother will make me come change if I don’t wear one. I pull a few out and wonder which one the Arl would like best. No stop thinking like that. He might be charming, handsome, and exciting… No he’ll just be like all the others. Only wanting to advance his position.

A knock at the door pulls me out of my thoughts. “Come in.”

Mother walks in and raises an eyebrow as she sees the dresses lying across my bed. “Well I see your finally learning.”

I smile. “Of course it had to happen eventually. Which one?”

She walks over and looks at them. “I think the blue velvet. I always like you in blue, it matches your eyes.” She stops with a strange look on her face.

She looks like she wants to say more, but is unsure. “Will you help me?”

She smiles. “Of course dear.”

She puts the other dresses back as I put on the blue one. Then she helps me with the laces. She sits me down in front of the mirror and sets to work getting tangles out of my hair. I watch her deft movements in the mirror. She’s so lady like and proper, unlike me. Mother might be a good Rogue, but she only uses those skills when she has to. I’d rather wear pants and fight monsters. I prefer sparring to sewing. I’m loud, always speak my mind, hate sitting still, turn everything into a joke, fight, wear armor, use un-lady like language, pick locks, sneak in places, and all kinds of other things. I sigh it won’t matter I refuse to pretend to be something I’m not, so the Arl won’t even like me. He’ll want a proper lady… Where are all these blighted thoughts coming from? I sigh.

“What is it dear?”

I meet her eyes in the mirror. “When you first met Father what was it like?”

“What do you mean?” She continues working on my hair, but her movements are slower now.

“Did you feel afraid and excited? Like you were trapped, but also in an odd way that you he’d provide you a sort of freedom? I don’t know. Just ignore me I’m babbling.”

She rests her hands on my shoulders, squeezing them so I’ll look at her. “I had conflicting emotions. I did feel a bit trapped, but it was also an arranged marriage. I was glad he seemed a decent man and hoped that with time we’d come to have some sort of feelings towards each other. I was never like you. I was content to more or less do what I was told. You have a wild streak in you and you crave excitement and freedom. I can see it in your eyes.”

“Oh…” I say looking away.

She moves around in front of me and takes my chin. She makes me look in her eyes. “I wouldn’t have you any other way. You are who you are and I’m proud of you, your Father is too. You and your brother just need to stop picking the locks so you can spy on our guests.”  She smiles and starts braiding my hair.

“What’s his name?”

“Gerard. His Father died recently and he took his place as the new Arl. That’s why he’s here. He wanted to come meet your Father and discuss the state of things, to get his thoughts on how to help the people. The Hold is small and the people focus on farming. They’re struggling and have been attacked a few times by bandits.”

Maybe he is different then…

**~~~**

Mother and I walk down to the Dining Hall together. I pause outside the door. I’m not sure what will happen…or what I want to happen.

She tucks a strand of hair that has escaped my braid behind my ear. “Just be yourself. Your Father and I want you to be happy. There are no expectations for this to turn into anything unless you want it to.”

“But I don’t know what I want…”

She gives me a reassuring smile and opens the door. Father, Fergus, and Gerard stand when we enter. Father pulls out the chair for Mother and Fergus does the same for me. I end up sitting directly across the table from Gerard. He smiles at me and his eyes immediately capture mine. It’s going to be a long evening…

**~~~**

It actually turns out quite enjoyable. He has a wonderful sense of humor. He seems to genuinely care about the people of his Hold. He asks if he could practice with the Knights and Father tells him yes. I mention that Fergus and I practice with them as well. Unlike most of the noblemen he seems rather intrigued by this. We decide to have a sparring match tomorrow. He listens when I chime in with my own ideas when the discussion turns to politics.

His eyes keep capturing mine. Every time I look up he’s watching me. He eyes seem to be caressing me. I keep blushing under his gaze. When he bids me good night he kisses my hand again. This time I don’t feel the urge to pull away, but am intrigued by the pleasant feeling that rushes through me at the feel of his lips on my skin. He still makes me nervous, but here’s a certain excitement paired with the nervousness. I’m curious about him and these mixed emotions.

Fergus complains about him on the way to our rooms. He says there’s something off about him. That he stares at me too much. That he seems too nice. I laugh and ask how can someone be too nice. He shrugs and makes me promise to be careful.

**~~~**

He stays at the Castle for several weeks. Our days are spent sparring and we’re surprisingly well matched, though he has bested me a few more times than I have him. Fergus and I join Gerard and Father for discussions of tactics, and plans to improve the lives of the people in his Hold. He comes hunting with us and still follows me with his eyes even when I’m covered in sweat, mud, and blood.

When it’s time for him to leave he asks me if he could return. I tell him yes that I’d enjoy seeing him again. He smiles and gently kisses my lips. Pleasure courses through my body from the small chaste kiss. I carry the feeling and sensation with me until he returns.

The niggling doubt and nerves still remain, but they reside in the back of my mind. I promised Fergus not to let my guard down yet. I won’t let it down just yet…

**~~~**

This time we spend more time together just the two of us. Stealing small kisses in the dark corners of the Castle. We stroll through the gardens hand in hand. He puts flowers in my hair. I giggle when he’s stuck by a rose thorn and I shyly pull his hand to my mouth and kiss his injured thumb. This time when he leaves I ask when he’ll be returning. He tells me soon. He kisses me longer and harder this time. His hand on the small of my back holding me close as I wrap my arms about his neck.

Fergus still doesn’t like him, but he’s now engaged to Oriana. He’s preoccupied now and doesn’t complain about Gerard much anymore. When he’s not repeatedly talking about him it’s easy to forget the doubt and unease. They’re still there in the back of my mind, but rarely make appearances anymore.  

**~~~**

The next time he comes we spend practically all our time together. He begins to teach me archery, I had never cared to learn before. I thought it required too much patience, and standing still. He makes it interesting though. When he corrects my stance or hold he always stands close to me. His instructions in a whispered voice tickling my ear. Pressing kisses to my neck behind the curtain of my hair.

We go horseback riding. Once we get caught in the rain. We race back to the stables laughing in glee as the horses send water cascading up around us. We get back to the stables and he dismounts and comes to stand beside my horse. He holds up his arms and I slide into them. He leads me over to a pile of hay and lies down pulling me on top of him. The smell of hay, rain, wet horses, and him mingle pleasantly together. We kiss gently at first, but it rapidly escalates. He rolls us over and kisses me with more passion than he ever has before. His fingers dance along my body and I feel his heat seeping through my wet clothes. I shiver and bite my lip. He smiles and stands up, pulling me with him. We’ll have to continue this later…at a more appropriate time he whispers in my ear.

**~~~**

Each time he stays longer and longer. Each time we spend more and more time together. Each time our passion grows. My feelings for him grow as well. I still hesitate to call it love. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because this would be my first love. So maybe it is love and I just don’t recognize it.

Fergus is married now. Mother and Father begin hinting around and making small jokes about another marriage and grandchildren, though the last is directed more towards Fergus. Mother has the talk with me again, even though we’ve had it before. I have to assure her that we haven’t actually had sex. She’s seen the way we look at each other. That we stand too close. He holds me hand. She’s seen my swollen lips. The occasional marks on our necks. I ask her how do you know its love? She says if it is you just know. Which doesn’t set my mind at ease.

**~~~**

The next time he returns the inevitable happens. He professes his love for me and asks me to marry him. I stand there feeling numb. Knowing I should feel overjoyed, knowing I should feel love towards this wonderful man before me. But instead I feel terrified. Those doubts come clawing their way through my mind. He warm eyes are slowly growing colder. There’s anger there, but it flashes by so quickly I think it was never there at all. I say I need time to think. He tells me it’s fine and kisses me softly on the lips. I scurry away feeling his eyes on me. I resist the urge to run.

I find Fergus and explain everything to him. He’s concerned and asks why I never said anything sooner. We go to talk to Mother and Father. I tell them after my initial nerves went away that there wasn’t a problem until I tried to think of it as love. That something is there that stops me from it, that I can’t understand it. Then I realize that is the problem.

I tell them how he reacted. Mother is concerned and nervous. Father and Fergus are angry and ready to go on the warpath. Father saw Gerard storming back to the Castle after he proposed to me. I tell them to let me try and handle this. They reluctantly agree. 

**~~~**

The next morning I ask him to walk with me in the Gardens. We walk along the paths until we come to a spot in the far corners. It’s a place we’ve often come for privacy. I’d really like to be closer to the Castle, but he’s back to being his normal self again. He’s making little jokes and holding my hand.

I take a deep breath and begin to explain my doubts and fears. The niggling concern that won’t go away. I tell him that I care for him, but I can’t call it love…not yet. I apologize and tell him that I don’t feel right marrying him until I can.

With each sentence his face grows colder and colder. His smile slipping away. Transforming back into that cold stranger I saw last night. When I finish he sits there and asks if I’m done. I nod. A cold fear courses through my body. Instincts that I should have listened to from the start take over. I turn to run. He grabs my arms so tightly I know they’ll bruise. No my dear. I’ve spent too much time on you. After this you’ll have to marry me…to preserve your honor. He laughs. No one likes damaged goods.

Before I can scream he crushes his mouth to mine. Biting my lip so hard it bleeds. I claw at him and try to hit him. I kick and try to pull away. He slams me into the wall. My head hits it and I feel a warm rush of blood. His knee between my legs holding me up, my feet off the ground. He pulls away and clamps a hand over my mouth. Don’t scream or I’ll cut that pretty little face. When he moves his hand I try to scream anyway and try to fight him. He smacks me before I get a sound out and my hit hits the wall again. You’ve got passion I like that, but try that again and I’ll slit your throat.

My head is swimming and feels like it has a dozen horses thundering through it. My vision is blurred. I feel my body start to go limp. I try to hit him, but I can barely move my arm and it falls back to my side. Even this slight movement intensifies the pain in my head.

He pats my cheek and says there’s a good girl. Keep being good like this and I won’t hurt you…too bad. He laughs. He starts taking off my clothes, ripping them when they don’t come off quickly enough. I try to fight, but the pain in my head makes me gasp. As he opens his pants I try to let the darkness at the edge of my vision take me. But the sudden, sharp pain between my legs brings me back. With each thrust I feel pain, it keeps me present through it all. A clear, cool detachment washes over me. Still present but it doesn’t seem so bad now…

His lips on mine pulls me out of my calm, making me completely present again. I flinch. See that wasn’t so bad was it Next time it won’t be so bad. I might be nice too…as long as you don’t fight it. You won’t be so wild now will you? He laughs as he walks away.

I lie on the ground willing myself to move. The first tear falling from my eye. More follow close behind. As I finally start to move my body screams in pain. I pull my clothes to me and manage to get them on; they still mostly cover me despite the rips. I’m oddly thankful I wore a dress today. I don’t think I could stand pants right now. I try to stand and fall back down cutting my knee on a rock. I feel this new pain and stare at the blood as it seeps through my dress. I crawl over to the wall and lean against it. Trying once again to stand up, but I fall back against the wall. I let myself slowly slide down the wall. Gasping as I sit.

I try to call out, but voice is only a whisper. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face in the folds of my dress. Waiting. I know they’ll see him and come looking for me. I shiver and my body shakes with sobs.

**~~~**

I don’t know how long it is before they find me. I’m brought out of my stupor when I hear voices calling my name.

“Here I call.” My voice still weak, but they hear me.

Fergus shouts, “She’s over here.”

I almost start sobbing at the sound of his voice. I try to get up, but can barely move. My body is stiff and flaring with pain.

Fergus comes running up to me and slides to a stop. I hear his sudden intake of breath. “Oh sweet Maker. Giselle…are you…” He kneels in front of me eyes looking worriedly into mine.

“I don’t know,” I whisper.

I hear a gasp and look over and see Oriana. Her eyes widening as she takes in my appearance. Fergus looks and her and quietly says, “Go let Mother and Father know. Tell them to wait for us at the Castle.” She nods and hurries off, looking back over her shoulder at me.

He stands and carefully picks me up. I wince and bite back a gasp. I taste fresh blood in my mouth from my lip.

“Did he…”

I nod knowing what he’s asking. Knowing Fergus never quite trusted him, but believing it was just because he was being my overprotective big brother. I grasp the front of his shirt in my trembling hand.

“I should have listened…”

He looks at me with pained eyes. “No Giselle. I should have been more insistent. I should have kept a better eye on you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

He sighs. “Everything will be all right.” He keeps repeating this in a soothing voice. After a bit begin to wonder if it’s to comfort me or him, perhaps both.    

As we near the Castle I hear a strangled cry. I look up and see Mother and Father hurrying towards us. I reach out my hand and she takes it, holding it up to her cheek. “Oh love,” she whispers.

Father gently kisses my forehead. He looks up at Fergus all traces of tenderness gone. “Let’s get her upstairs and then…we’ll take care of things.”

Fergus gives a sharp nod. He carries me up to my room and sits me on the bed. He leaves with Father. Oriana and Mother stay. I’m vaguely aware of them helping me get the dress off and giving me water to clean with. I go through the motions, even the pain starts to fade away. I just want to sleep and forget. After I’m wearing a nightgown Mother tucks me in and kisses my forehead. Then everything blissfully goes black.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Giselle stops talking and sits there. Her eyes have a far-off look in them. I know she’s not fully back yet. I hate that she went through that. That she just relived it. That the memory of it is still strong enough to pull her away from the present.

I remember her after it happened though at the time I didn’t know what that monster had done to her…

The Teyrn had sent some of us to Gerard’s hold. We were to provide a defense for the people, while we trained them until they could manage on their own. Then the Arl had been replaced, without any real explanation. We stayed and continued our work. When we got back Giselle was different. It was like the fire inside her had been snuffed out. The rare times she smiled it never reached her eyes. Eyes that had lost their spark. She didn’t spar with us, and flinched when one of us got too close. She never went anywhere alone. We all worried about her and hoped our lady would come back to us.

She did after a while, but she was never quite the same. Her smile was back reaching her sparkling eyes. But there was an edge to her now, a cold steel that dared anyone to cross her. She joked and laughed and sparred with us. She could now best us all, barely breaking a sweat. The few times one of us managed to corner her she responded with fierce attacks quickly forcing us back, determination flaring in her eyes.   

Surges of anger race through me. That a monster had changed her. Leaving a scar in her memory that she’d carry forever. That anyone would touch her like that. That he raped her. That he used her innocence and kind heart against her. Oh Maker. My blood runs cold. Does she think that’s what I’m doing? 

I look at her and desperately want to take her in my arms. To hold her until all the pain fades. To assure her of my love, that it’s all for her. But her posture is stiff and defensive. She’s still halfway between her memories and the present. Her body shakes slightly. I take the blanket and lightly drape it across her shoulders. She jerks and swings around. Her eyes are wild and flickering with a myriad of emotions.

“Giselle, it’s me. It’s Roderick,” I say in a soothing voice.

Her body slowly relaxes and her eyes calm. Her blue eyes blinking at me as she returns. I hesitantly reach out a hand and cup her cheek. When she leans into it I pull her into my lap and I notice that she doesn’t resist. Not really knowing what to say I settle for gently rocking her. After a bit her arms go around me.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs into my shoulder.

“For what?” I ask incredulously. I pull back to look at her.

She looks at me her eyes misty. Her face confused as she struggles with what to say. “I seem to have killed the mood.” The corner of her mouth twitches up in an attempt to smile. “You don’t have to stay. I know it’s a lot to take in…”

I silence her with a gentle kiss on her nose. “I love you. I’m right where I want to be.” I want to tell her I’ll never hurt her like he did, that I’m not using her. But I don’t want to bring it up again. I want to distract her from all those memories, since I can’t take them away. So I settle for pouring everything into my gaze and praying she understands.

She snuggles closer and hides her face in my neck. “I believe you. I’ve known you too long not to,” she whispers.

I breathe a sigh of relief. “I’m glad.” I lay back and hold her until her body stops quivering. I wipe away the few tears that fall and kiss them away when they fall more freely.

After she calms she looks up and meets my eyes. She reaches out and laces her fingers with mine. Her eyes filled with thanks and love. She brings my hand still clasped in her hers to her lips and kisses it. I can feel her desire to move past this.

Though I wonder how she got past everything. How is she able to be with me like this? What happened to him? There will be time for that later, right now I’ll move past it like she wants.  

I smile at her. When I lean over to kiss her I’m interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Sister aren’t you going to bid your Brother farewell?”

Her eyes dance with amusement. “Dear Brother I should think you’d be more concerned with giving your lovely wife a long sweet farewell.”  He doesn’t say anything, but Oriana giggles.

“Oh already taken care of I see.” She gets up and starts putting on clothes. I watch her. Looking for signs of the frightened girl that was there earlier, but she’s vanished. Giselle is back to her old self and trading taunts with her Brother.

She walks over and sits on the bed to lace up her boots and I pull her to me. She giggles and I kiss her. “Shouldn’t you bathe first…you smell like me.”

She pulls away face flushed. “You’re right I smell like sex, sweat, and you.” She kisses me with each word. I try to stifle a moan against her shoulder as her hand slides lower.

“Oh I see you have someone in there don’t you? You saucy little minx,” Fergus says amusement in his voice. We hear Oriana shushing him and trying to pull him away from the door.

“I locked the door,” she murmurs against my lips, while her hand doing tantalizing things to me. I groan against her mouth and reach out and start undressing her.

**~~~**

After we’re both dressed and keeping her hands to ourselves she goes over to the door. She walks out and looks around then pops her head back in giving me the all clear. We walk towards the stairs our hands brushing. We hear a door shut and we jump. We look at each other and laugh before racing towards the stairs. We look up and I freeze, my laughter dying.

Fergus is standing at the bottom of the steps arms crossed and glaring at me like he’d like nothing more than to strangle me. Oriana is behind him a sympathetic look on her face.

“I thought I was a saucy little minx. Why are you glaring daggers at my…lover?”

His eyebrows rise at the word. “Because you’re my little Sister and… I just want to make sure…” He’s flustered, but I know what he’s dancing around.

“Fergus it’s fine. He knows what happened. We love each other.”

He looks at me again, questioning. “Giselle give us a minute.”

She looks like she’s going to refuse, but Oriana touches her arm and smiles. Giselle sighs and they walk a short distance away.

“So you’re my Sisters lover now are you?”

“Yes.” I pause and look at Giselle. She’s staring intently at us and edging closer so she can hear what we’re saying. I smile. “I love her. I’d lay down my life for her.”

“You’re a Knight here. Isn’t that your job?”

“Yes, but for her… I’d do it because I can’t stand the thought of anything or anyone hurting her.”

“I can take care of myself you know.” Giselle crosses her arms.

He looks at me appraisingly. His eyes shift to Giselle and whatever he sees there softens his expression.

“I know, but still…fine.” He sighs, but then turns to me again. “You. Hurt her and you’ll have me to answer to. Well after she’s done with you. Then I imagine Father, Mother, Nan, and several others will want a turn.” He smiles as if pleased by the thought. The he takes Oriana’s hand and they walk off.

“Well that went well I think. Let’s go.”

I make an incredulous noise. In what way does being threatened by her Brother and the looming presence of the entire Castle staff equal something going well? She takes my hand and it’s hard to care about threats when her hand feels so right in mine. We follow Fergus and Oriana, our clasped hands swinging between us.  

 


	7. Chapter 7

We follow Fergus and Oriana into the Courtyard. Her parents are already there with Oren. When he sees his parents he runs over and grabs Fergus’s arm.

“Father can Auntie teach me to fight with a sword? That way I can use the sword you bring me.”

Oriana looks at Giselle and gives a small shake of her head.

Giselle kneels down and waves Oren over. She brushes hair out of his eyes and rests a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t you want to be a Warrior like your Father? If I recall correctly he promised you the biggest sword he could find. A Warrior’s sword. I’m a Rogue not a Warrior. The trainings different.”

He blinks at her, taking in her words. “Rogues are better.”

“And why is that?” Fergus asks with amusement.

“Auntie always beats the guards and their Warriors aren’t they? They only have one sword.”

Giselle laughs and hugs Oren. “Good man. Perhaps if your very good and promise to be extra careful your Mother might change her mind.” She looks over Oren’s head at Oriana.

“You won’t use real weapons?”

Giselle sighs. “I’ll start him with a wooden training sword. I’ll just teach him a few moves to practice on the training dummies.”

“Alright just be careful.”

“I suppose I’ll need to bring you back a sword and dagger now.” Fergus smiles at Oren as he cheers.

Her parents make their way over and her Father asks, “Ready?”

Fergus nods and we head to the center of the Courtyard. Her Father gives a speech about the war and tells the people not to lose hope.

Giselle fidgets next to me and I edge closer to her. I take her hand and the folds of her dress hides our clasped hands.

He tells Teyrna will be going to visit a friend and Giselle will be left in charge of the Castle and that I will be in charge of the Knights.

He tells them Fergus will lead the army out today. Tomorrow he will leave with Arl Howe to join the King.

After a few more words he dismisses everyone. The people disperse to say their last goodbyes to their friends and family that are leaving today.

~~~

“Do be careful won’t you?” Their Mother asks as she pulls Fergus in for a tight hug.

“Don’t worry I’ll be fine. You should be worried about leaving Giselle in charge. Who knows what mayhem she’ll cause while we’re gone.” He grins at Giselle.

Giselle huffs in indignation and grips my hand tighter.

He shakes hands with his Father and says, “I’ll see you in a few days. You’re traveling with a smaller party so you should catch up.”

“Yes, but be careful in the meantime. It’s still earlier, but you might run into a few Darkspawn hordes.”

He pulls Oriana off to the side. I avert my eyes to give them a bit of privacy and look at Giselle. She tries for a small smile, but her lip is quivering. She swallows and looks at the ground.

They walk back over and Oriana is wiping tears from her eyes. Fergus kneels in front of Oren. “Listen to you Mother and Auntie. Listen to her when she’s teaching you so you don’t get hurt. Take care of your Mother for me alright. I’ll be back before you know it.” He hugs him and I can see Oren’s body quivering.

Then he stands and walks toward us. Giselle launches herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. He hugs her back. “Be careful. Don’t do anything stupid.”

He gives a choked laugh and I can see him blinking back tears. He looks over at his wife and son and closes his eyes. “You be careful too. Don’t burn the Castle down or anything.”

Her hugs her tightly enough to lift her feet slightly off the ground then he releases her. I’m slightly surprised when he turns to me. “Take care of her.”

“Of course,” I say as I shake his outstretched hand.

He walks back over to his wife and sun and hugs them both to him. Giselle steps back and I slip my arm around her waist, much more concerned about comforting her than what anyone will think. She leans into me and puts her arm around my waist.

Fergus mounts his horse and clears his throat. “Alright men let’s move out.”    

We watch until they’re out of sight.

 


	8. Chapter 8

After the last traces of the army have vanished the Castle comes back to life. Families heading back to their homes, to try to figure out how to cope with the fact that their now one or two short. To try to cope with the knowledge that this temporary situation might become permanent. As her Father said, they’re going to war not an afternoon tea. Knowing Giselle she’d probably think the tea was more dangerous. I kiss the top of her head and she offers me a small smile. The fading light catches on her tears before she brushes them away.

Then she pulls away and goes to her Mother. She hugs her, while murmuring soothing words to her. Then she looks at her Father and he steps in. He puts an arm around his wife and leads her inside. Giselle moves to Oriana and Oren, placing a hand on the top of his head and wrapping an arm around her.

“He’ll be fine,” she says with a smile, but I can hear the strain in her voice.

Oriana nods and kisses her cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning. Come on Oren lets go inside.”

After we’re alone in the Courtyard Giselle drags her hands down her face with a sigh. “These past few days have been far too emotional. Can’t I just deal with problems like I always do?”

“What challenging someone to a duel?”

A small laugh escapes her lips and brightens her eyes a bit. “That or kill something before it kills me.”

“A sound strategy.”

“Do you have anything to do right now?”

“No…”

She shrugs. “It’s just we always dine together, but with Fergus gone it won’t be the same. I know tonight Father will be comforting Mother. Oriana will be trying to keep herself together, while consoling Oren. And…well I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Shall I escort you inside then, my lady?”

“Don’t start that up again. I finally got you to use my name.”

“Hmmm…” I study her for a moment and then look around the Courtyard.

“What?”

“Just trying to figure out the odds of pulling off my plan.”

“Well with the way everyone is feeling after just now I’m pretty sure you could get away with anything.”

“That’s what I was thinking too.” I step towards her and sweep her into my arms.

She gives a small startled cry and looks at me with wide eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Escorting you to your room…my lady Giselle.”

Her cheeks pinken slightly, but she leans forward to kiss me. There’s something else in her kiss now, a quiet plea for this to just be another night. Asking me to help her forget at least for a while, to forget the worry, hurt, and misgivings about our upcoming duties as caretakers while the others are off at war. I can deny her nothing, so I kiss her back and carry her inside.

~~~

I wake during the night to the clash of steel. I gently ease Giselle onto the bed and sit up; listening for a moment to make sure it wasn’t just a dream. Then I hear the shouting and I know we’re under attack. Luca growls and stares at the door, backing up to be closer to Giselle.

She stirs and sits up blinking at me, “What’s going on?”

When she hears the sounds of battle her eyes widen. We look at each other and jump out of bed. We quickly put on our armor and grab our weapons. Luca gives a sudden bark and edges closer to the door, his teeth bared.

“Ready?” I ask.

She nods and I open the door. Luca runs out and tackling a soldier to the ground.

Then Giselle is screaming, “Look out.” She throws herself at my back and we fall to the ground. I hear her hiss of breath and look up to see another soldier with a bow.

Luca jumps on him. We can hear his ferocious growls as he tears into the soldier. Giselle moves off me and kneels on the floor. When I look at over her hand is covering her arm, but blood still trickles between her fingers.

“Are you alright?” I ask moving her hand aside to get a better look.

“I’m fine the arrow just grazed me.” She winces as I tie a cloth around her arm. Guilt courses through me not at the pain I’m causing her now, but knowing she knocked me out of the way. That arrow could easily have killed her. I kiss her roughly before standing and pulling her up.

“Not that I don’t appreciate it, but don’t do that again. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you.”

“No promises.” She cautiously walks into the hall and pats Luca on the head, murmuring good boy. He barks happily and licks her hand. She gasps when she looks at the soldiers. “These are Howe’s men. That bastard waited until the Castle was virtually defenseless. He betrayed us...just like…” She looks up fire burning in her eyes and she doesn’t have to finish that sentence for me to know just who she’s talking about. “I’ll kill-” She’s cut off by a scream. “Oriana…” she breathes, racing off towards her sister-in-law’s room.           

Luca and I follow close behind, I falter however when I see her rip through two soldiers with her blades. Not even stopping she just keeps running. The soldiers drop to the ground and I stop to make sure their dead. They are and I look at her as she flings the door open. Blood spattered across her body, her chest heaving, and her eyes filled with a murderous rage.

I see a piece of the woman I know. I see what the harsh realities of life have turned her into. She’s vicious and resourceful. I know in this moment that’s what will save us. She clings to life and she smile it’s why she didn’t break after Gerard abused her. I know part of this fierceness is protectiveness and she’ll do what she has to, to protect those she loves.   

She stills for a moment as she looks around the room. She stops breathing and a shiver runs through her body. Then she flings herself inside with a scream. I follow her and we quickly kill the soldiers. She drops to her knees and I see Orianas and Orens bodies on the ground. Blood saturates their clothes and I know there’s no way their still alive. I watch as she frantically checks them for heartbeats.

“No, no, no, no,” she whispers. “They can’t be…dead.” She looks up at me with tears streaming down her face, mingling with the blood. Streams of reddish pink flow down her face.

I kneel next to her and take one of her hands. “Giselle…I’m sorry, but they’re gone.”

She looks back at them and bites her lip. “I’m so sorry.” She smoothes the hair off Oren’s forehead. She takes a moment and closes her eyes, trying to make some kind of peace with this. She knows that now isn’t the time to grief, now is the time to fight and stay alive. Her eyes snap open and she gasps, “My parents. We have to find them before Howe does.” She stands and starts pacing. “They could be in the study, their room, or there’s a hidden exit in the larder.”

“Let’s check their room first.”

She nods. We find their room empty and she breathes a little easier.

“Alright let’s head downstairs. I hope we’re not too late…” She finishes in a whisper.

~~~

We quickly head down the stairs, battling soldiers as we find them. When we reach the bottom level the sounds of fighting are louder. We help a man who’s been overwhelmed by a group of six soldiers. When he turns to thank us I realize it’s the Gray Warden, Duncan.

He nods his head as a sign of thanks. “Your parents are at the hidden entrance, they sent me to find you.”

“Thank the Maker.”

“What about-”

She cuts him off with a small shake of her head. “Howe’s men got to them first.”

“I’m sorry, but we don’t have time to waste. The Castles almost completely overrun. We have to hurry.”

We both nod and follow him through the halls. Battling through crowds of soldiers, helping knights when we can. We arrive at the larder gasping for breath. Duncan raps on the door calling out our presence.

Her Mother calls out, “Just a minute.” She unlocks the door and immediately pulls Giselle to her.

She hugs her Mother. She pulls away looking for her Father she gives a small cry when she seems him, lying propped up against the wall. I can hear his labored breathing across the room. He hand is holding cloths to his stomach, but they’re doing nothing to slow the blood as it seeps through his fingers.  “Father,” she cries as she rushes to him.

We enter the larder and I pull the door shut behind us.  

“What happened?” She demands as she shifts her Father’s weak hands off the wound. She gently eases back the cloths and flinches when she sees the wound. She replaces the cloths and adds her own hands, hoping her strength can still the flow of blood.

Her parents eyes meet across the room and her Mother nods before turning to me. Duncan crosses the room and kneels beside Father and Daughter, talking in hushed voices.      

“Oriana and Oren?” she whispers.

I shake my head. “I’m sorry, but Howe’s men they got there first.”

She closes her eyes and murmurs a quick prayer. Then looks up at me with watery eyes, but they’re filled with steel. She says in a firm voice, “You have to take her away from here. Bryce he can’t travel and I’m not leaving him. Besides I’d only slow you down, you’ll have to move quickly to escape. She’ll fight it though. I think she might listen to you though. You were friends and have turned into something else, you care for each other.” She rolls her eyes at my shocked expression. “Please we’re not blind. We can tell-”

She breaks off when there’s a crash outside the door. Duncan stands we have to move now.

Her Father nods at him, “You have my permission…for what it’s worth to induct my Daughter into the Wardens.” He turns to her, “Pup you have to go with them. Your Mother and I we’re staying.”

The noises outside grow louder and Duncan and I start piling whatever we can find in front of the door. Anything to slow them down.

“No, I can’t. I won’t abandon you. If we can just get into the escape route, we can wait it out. It’s a narrow passage and we can handle any soldiers that enter, they’ll have to travel in a single line. We can cut them down and switch out when one of us tires. You can rest. Mother can pick some of them off with her bow. We can do this.”

Her Mother joins them and pulls her in for a hug. “No you have to go with Duncan and Gilmore.” She looks at me over the top of Giselle’s head and I nod.

“Giselle you have to escape. You have to go with Duncan and speak with the King.”

“But Duncan can see the King, he can tell him what happened.”

“And Fergus?” I hate myself for what I say next, “Surely you don’t want him to deal with his grief alone or add your own loss to it.”

She flinches and looks at her parents with pained eyes. “Are you sure?” They nod. She hugs them both and whispers, “I love you both so much. I swear Howe will pay for what he’s done. I’ll make you proud.”

“You always have Pup.” He kisses her forehead. “No go before it’s too late.”

The door keeps shaking as the soldiers try to break in. It won’t be long now I think as the wood starts to splinter. I look at Giselle and her parents. Her Mother asked that I take her, but I know two people can move quicker that three. Rogues are swift and silent and two Rogues can easily escape this.

Giselle looks at me. “Ready?”

I nod and quickly cross the room. I pull her to me and kiss her, trying to throw everything I have into the kiss. Love, pain, sorrow, guilt, hope. I feel her hot tears between our faces. When I finally pull away I can tell that she knows.

“You can’t-”

“The two of you will move more quickly. Right now what matters is getting you out of here. There are two wars to be fought and they need you for both. I love you and I won’t let you stay here to die. Your Mother and I will take down every man that comes through that door. I love you more than anything, even my own life. I’ll try to find you. I’ll try to make it back to you.”

She looks at me with tortured eyes. She still wants to fight it. “Promise?”

“I’ll do everything in my power to make it back to you. I love you.”

She kisses me and Duncan grabs her arm. “We have to go now.” Then he pulls her into the escape tunnel. I move things in front of it, trying to conceal the tunnel.

Her Father looks at me. “I understand what you’re trying to do, but should the opportunity present itself run. Take care of her for us.”

My response is cut off when the door finally gives and Howe’s soldiers flood in.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapters will switch to Giselle's point of view.


	9. Chapter 9

We travel quickly, barely stopping to rest. Each step taking me away from all I know and love. The wind calls me a traitor and I can’t argue, not when I agree. I feel as if I’ve abandoned them all. Each step is a stab to my heart.

I keep looking over my shoulder. My heart leaping at any sound as I turn expecting him to be there. Wanting him to be there. I’m clinging to his promise, but with each passing day I wonder… Wonder if he’s truly coming. I know my parents, Oriana, Oren… I know they’re gone. I can feel it, but not with him. I feel as if I’d know if he were…dead. I know that’s what everyone thinks in these situations and they’ll continue thinking it until they have proof one way or the other. More often than not their hopes are dashed, but sometimes... their hopes pay off. 

~~~

For almost a month Duncan tries to speak with me, but I can only return a cold vacant stare. At one of our infrequent stops I wash my face in a stream. My eyes catch my reflection and I know it’s me, but I barely recognize myself. Dull eyes, pale skin, and a mouth drawn from far too long without a smile. I sigh and stand, dusting my hands off. I know it’s long past time I stop holding onto these things. I can’t go back. I tell myself that even if I could there’s no guarantee I could even fix things, but I don’t believe it. I could have fought harder, I could have insisted, I could have refused to leave. I could have fought until Duncan had to drag me away kicking, screaming. There it is though, I know they would have told him to take me away, and he would have too. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have tried. I can try now though.    

I slowly walk back to our camp site and Duncan is making a fire. I compose myself and ask, “How long until we get there?”

He looks at me and gives a small smile. “About another week.”

“When we get there, what will be expected of me?”

“There are a few tasks all new Warden recruits must do before joining. I expect the King will want to speak with you, so you’ll have to tell him what happened. You should have a chance to look for your Brother.” 

I’ll be so glad to see him, to know that he’s alright. I try to stop my selfish thought that when I find things will at least be a little ok, I won’t be alone. I’ll still have one person that I know and love. But I dread seeing him too. I know I’ll be the one who has to tell him what happened. I’ll have to watch him crumble and try to help him pick up the pieces, when I can barely even do it for myself. 

“I feel sick,” I groan and run to the bushes with my hand clamped over my mouth.

~~~

I come back to the camp site and he asks, “Are you alright?” He glances at me briefly before going back to making tea. 

I shrug, but then sigh. “Not really. I’m terrified. I know how badly this will hurt Fergus. I keep picturing his face and how it will fall when I tell him. He married for love you know. It wasn’t arranged.”

“I know your parents were determined to let the two of you find our own paths.”

I swallow and nod. “Or what if…what if Howe’s men managed to find him? At the camp they wouldn’t know what happened and if they got there, they could have gotten him alone. He could be-”

He cuts me off. “You can’t think like that. Here.” He hands me a mug of tea. “This will help calm your stomach.”

“Thank you.”        

I take the mug gratefully and sip it, the warmth seeping through the chill that always seems present. I wonder if it’s me or if it truly is cold. “Duncan are you cold?”

He looks at me curiously for a moment and says, “No. Are you feeling alright?”

“I suppose,” I say with a shrug. 

He looks at me worriedly for a moment and then sighs. He starts to pack up the camp and I move to get up. He shakes his head and gestures for me to stay put. I sink back down gratefully. I always hate feeling waited on, I’m perfectly capable. But lately I guess…it’s like there’s so much to care about and worry about. So much on my mind that I’ve let some things go. It’s as if my mind is fixated on what happened and what will come to happen as a result. Is this normal? I resolved earlier this morning to try to try and let go, to make some progress towards moving on. How can I when I feel so…empty? I’m almost grateful for the aches and pains that living on the road gives me. It lets me know I’m still alive. I have to stop thinking like this…at least during the day. There are far fewer distractions when the light fades, an opportune time for the monsters to come out. Maker help me I’d rather face an Ogre then this.  

Duncan’s voice cuts through my haze, “Ready to go?” 

I nod and stand, trying to hide my unsteadiness from him. He sees it anyways. I suppose being a leader gives you that uncanny ability to read even what others fight to hide. He takes me arm and helps me get on my horse. 

“I know it’s fresh, but you need to stop holding this so close. It doesn’t do yourself any good to torture yourself. It doesn’t do them any good either. They loved you and they’d hate to see you like this.” He pats my arm and mounts his own horse. I follow him through watery eyes. Everything so blurred I can only make out colors and shapes.


End file.
